i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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