So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vodka?
Forever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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