Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
