I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
