Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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