OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
