I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
