True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
