I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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