hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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