We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
