So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you win again, gameday.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
should my penis look like a turkey
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
