your parents love me but you hate me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
