it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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