Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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