are you still at the devil's house?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
