We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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