Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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