My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
