We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
