Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize