so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
