Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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