Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
