Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
