i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
