I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
