So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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