I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
