Three words: puerto rican gang bang
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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