Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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