My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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