she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
