my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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