Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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