I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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