So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
