I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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