I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
