you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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