god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
