how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
