Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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