Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
