the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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