Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
