I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
