Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
