3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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