I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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