this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
