grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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