my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
