Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
