He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
