I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
