so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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