im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
