why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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