i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So vagazzling was a success
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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