I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
