I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
