i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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