Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I bet he comes in French.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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