ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
