Moan for me like Helen Keller
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
