You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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