i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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