Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
