I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
