your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
