Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
