I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
