Soap is not a condiment
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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