Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Your tits are I can't wait for
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
